Its funny that expression, food for thought, I guess its supposed to mean that something you've read or heard gives you something to think about. well in my case right now I'm trying not to think and when i do that I eat - food for thought or, to put it another way, food in exchange for thought.
I just don't know how to stop eating. its a compulsion, and the more I think 'hey stop, you mustn't do this, you're diabetic' the more i seem to want to eat. Take today for instance. Did really well and ate porridge for breakfast. By 11:45 my blood sugar had dropped to 3.5 and so I allowed myself to eat the chocolate cake they were serving in church. Still OK as I was technically having a hypo and therefore needed something sugary. So lunch approaches and I grab some horrid filled pastry thing and a packet of crisps. my mistake was, of course, having to go back to the shop for fags which then meant I bought a packet of skittles in case I had a hypo (yeah right Kim who were you trying to fool?) AND a bar of chocolate - oh but justified as it was only small (so deluded!)
Didn't eat the sweets or crisps then but did go to a cafe and have carrot cake, followed by a trip to a friends house where a white chocolate and strawberry muffin found its way into my mouth. Did that make me eat less for dinner? Oh no. Full evening meal followed by TWO ice-cream cones and then the crisps and skittles. Only just remembered the chocolate so may eat that soon as well!!
Why don't I feel full? Why can't I get it into my head that I can't behave like this? I mean if I carry on like this not only am I going to become fat again - which I deeply don't want to do - but also I am seriously going to jeopardise my health. What is it going to take to get it through my head?
I despair of myself I really do. And amongst all of this I am still trying to get my head around a confusing relationship that isn't sustainable in its current format and yet its not going to be stable for maybe several years so what the fuck can I do in the meantime? I just want to scream and cry and for the whole world to disappear, or maybe just me to disappear.
I CAN'T COPE.
Maybe I am just thinking too long term. I think even thinking a day at a time is too much for me right now. I think I have to break down my day into time slots and think what am I going to do and what am I allowed to eat in the next hour. Keep telling myself I can eat next hour (not including meal times) if I still want to and try the delaying tactic. Also despite the fact I need to give up smoking I think I really need to cut myself some slack and try and deal with one thing at a time. I'm trying to do too much too soon. I am only human after all even though I like to tell myself I'm exceptional. I am vulnerable and scared and I don't like it. I'm trying to avoid my feelings with food and that is only going to make matters worse. I need to face this thing head on, one hour or even minute at a time. I need to stop hiding behind food and actually start engaging my brain.
But I don't need to do that till tomorrow do I? I can still eat tonight? I've got chocolate in my bag, toast is calling me, my cupboard is calling me...
Going to make a coffee and have a fag. All this is giving me food for thought...
josiejo1
Maybe you've gotta look at whats stresing you out, because stress can lead to eating for comfort. Also there are loads of diabetic sweets and treats out there that could replace all the bad type of sweets and treats.
Your right to only try changing one thing at a time. Don't beat yourself up too much if you do eat that chocolate cake or else you'll never get to the place you wanna be at. If you feel hungary all the time, fill up your stomach with water. It'll trick the mind into thinking that you've eaten a full meal. You may need to pee more. Eating litte and often is also a good way to speed you matabolisum, like nuts or fruit. Try talking to people who have the condition cause they could help you. Hope that wasn't too personal as I don't know your or your situation. Hope I helped
Ta Muchly